Let's talk about...

Let’s talk about getting older. My dearest darling husband—who doesn’t read my blog, therefore will never see this—rejoices in the fact that for 19 days out of the year, he is two years younger than me.

I know that should probably bother me, but it really doesn’t. I’m not too concerned about getting older. It happens. So does turning thirty this weekend freak me out? Not really. What freaks me out is life in general, and how we have no control over anything.

We can really only control what we do and how we react to things, but that doesn’t necessarily have any impact on what will actually happen. If, like me, you don’t believe in predestination, everything is simply up in the air, completely left up to chance, to God, to whatever you believe. Anything but your own will.

That can be kind of scary. Will you find a job? Will you be liked and get hired by someone? Does someone like your resume? Your personality? Do they hate your hair or your clothes, and will that influence their decision about what happens in your life?

Will you have a child? Can you have a child? Will someone like your idea, your writing, your artwork, your—fill in talent here—? I find it astounding how many times another person, a stranger, holds your fate in their hands, and will never know how that affects your life. Hell, they’ll never know how it affects their life, even.

Can you tell I’m getting a little frustrated? It seems like no matter how hard you work, how well you prepare, how good a job you do, it most often comes down to someone else’s decision. That is a hard thing to deal with, constantly waiting for that call or email that could change your life or, at least, your immediate future.

So at 12:30ish a.m. on Sunday, I will turn thirty, and that is just fine with me. J Until next time, I leave you with my updated playlist for book number 2:

Old Crow Medicine Show - Highway Halo

Tab Benoit - Unknown Legend

Glee Cast - Blackbird

Bush - Body

Matt Morris - 100,000 Strong & Bloodline

Justin Timberlake Ft. will.i.am - Damn Girl

Radiohead - Street Spirit

The Black Keys - Sinister Kid (That is Matthieu's theme song, he will be the main character in book 3)

Gavin Degraw - Sweeter, Not Over You & Run Every Time

Brandon Flowers - On The Floor & Crossfire

Kerli - Bullet Proof

Adele - Rumour Has It

Audioslave - I Am the Highway

Rihanna - Rockstar 101, Russian Roulette

Jonny Lang - Turn Around

Joe Bonamassa - Black Lung Heartache

Tokyo Hotel Ft. Kerli – Strange

Eminem – Love the Way You Lie

Kerli – Creepshow

Billy Currington – Heal Me

Pearl Jam – Even Flow

Silence the Voices

Been under a lot of stress the past couple of weeks. I mean, a lot. I won't go into detail as this blog is public, but there has been turmoil in my life. My husband, my friends, my family, have all been very supportive--but sometimes there's just nothing anyone can do. Nothing can fix it but time and opportunity. Even the book I was reading was stressing me out, it was so emotional. Sometimes it's just all more than you can handle.

One of the biggest disappointments has been that the stress has strangled my ability to write. I don't think I've written a word since my last blog post. It hasn't even been lack of time or energy, either. The story is on pause, the voices have stopped. And you know, you don't realize how quiet it is without them.

I had some time to recharge this week, though. I had the pleasure of seeing Tab Benoit perform again, at one of my favorite places, the Double Door. The show always blows me away, the sound is pure and raw, uplifting when you really need it. The audience is genuine and good natured, and it's all around fun. Always a privilege, we got to spend some time with Tab Benoit and bassist Corey Duplechin after the show. Talking and joking at the bar, just like regular people. That's what's so good about it. However, it is always disappointing when it's over, knowing it will be awhile before they come back to town. But at least I know when this time. July!!!!

So the story has turned back on a little, I just haven't been able to calm down enough to write anything yet. Sometimes life gets in the way. But we'll see how it all plays out, won't we? Until next time...

Where are the songs from the sane minds?
And where are words from the sound mouths?
I can't understand how they silence the voices.
-Chris Cornell

Aspirations

I'm on cloud freaking nine right now!

Backstory: Those who know me very very well know that I like to write stories, and that I even have a full (almost finished) first draft of a novel I've been chewing on for several years. It's nothing that I am pushing hard at, I just let it come when it comes because I have so many other demands on my time and brain. But I have been meaning to really get in there and finish it, possibly write one or two more, and then try and get published. Not for money or fame or anything, but just because it would be, well, awesome.

Fast forward: So I have been tweeting a bit with Larissa Ione, who I would have to name as my favorite author as of late. I wrote a blog post that was a discussion of a topic in one of her books, and then I tweeted her about it. I gave myself a challenge that if she actually read and commented on my blog, that I would take that as a sign to take my writing a bit more seriously and try to make something come of it. So sure enough, she did! Of course, she didn't comment on my writing itself, because that wasn't the point, but having a published author comment on your blog has to be a sign!

So tonight I emailed her (she makes herself very accessible to her readers) because I wanted to find out more about her writing style. Mine is somewhat out of the box, as I don't conform to one type of writing (plotters vs. pantsers in the vernacular, GOOGLEIT), and I just wanted to see where she falls. She's kind of the same way, she does a little bit of both, and she writes each book differently. So she made me feel like it really doesn't matter how you get your finished product, you can still be successful. And she wrote me back within the freaking hour! How amazing is that. So I'm going to give it a shot, and keep on writing. I will leave you with a quote from her:

"Truly...just write. Even if your first draft is crap like mine is, you can fix crap. You can't fix an empty page." ~Larissa Ione Love her!